2015年11月27日

1)
结果,我又逃跑了.

上完课后, 有一股很强烈的恐惧感.
一回到房间又要没完没了地赶assignments了.

我不要!
我已经日夜对着电脑很多天了.
也在学校通宵了快一个星期.

我只想丢几件内裤内衣到包包里, 然后一把火烧掉所有属于我的东西, 然后头也不回地一直往前走.
但是我发现, 我原来什么都没有.
就连内裤都是妈妈买的, 不属于我.

所以我也没有办法不经过妈妈的同意就跑掉.

那我偷偷消失一天总可以吧.
电话的电池应该是快要呜呼哀哉了.
明明昨晚才charge好, 还没有到十点就只剩下三八仙.
我乐得它死掉, 那样就可以阻止那些无谓的信息.

我只想静静地隐藏在这个大城市里.
去一个没有人认识我的地方.

然后不管三七二十地做我喜欢的事情.

不让自己有任何后悔的机会, 我搭上了前往火车站的巴士.
随手scan了touch n' go就冲进火车里.

这种不管时间不知道要去哪里要去做什么的感觉真好.

不小心在火车上睡着, 醒来刚好到midvalley, 想都不想, 就下车了.
我最近爱上了不计划就做事的感觉.

计划永远赶不上变化, 我累了.
计划好了功课要晚上十二点之前交给我, 队友永远都不准时.
那样, 计划来做什么?

走进mall我也不知道要干嘛.
一个人唱k太干, 我不要.
唱k就是要逼朋友听自己难听的歌声啊. 哈哈
走到电影院, 发现想看的戏都看完了.
第一次到售票处排了队, 才几秒就尴尬地请后面的队伍让路.
第一次有不想看戏的感觉.

漫无目的地走.
手上拿着mcd的pineapple sundae, 然后一直走走走.
任何店都不进, 我只想放空, 然后随便瞄一瞄橱窗摆设.

直到肚子咕噜咕噜叫, 我猜随便走进了一间快餐店.
盲目地排队, 然后点餐, 才发现午餐时间人很多, 没有位子了.

一个人吃饭最麻烦的就是选位子.
一个人霸占四个人的桌子会不好意思, 尤其是人很多的时候.
可是在马来西亚并没有很完善地提供一个人吃饭的位子.

最后我无意间发现一位老太太, 安静地坐在一张table for four.

我不想等, 就很直接地询问她我可不可以搭台.
出乎意料的是, 她抬起头, 很友善地说当然可以.

自从来这里读书后, 我常常独自吃东西.
搭台的几率也越来越高.

有的时候会遇到整个session不看我一眼, 也不说一句话的stranger.
有的时候会遇到匆匆吃完东西就走掉的人.
但是幸运的时候就会遇见一见如故的陌生人.

看到这位老太太的第一眼, 立刻联想她是old maid, 家里养很多只猫, 在办公室被排挤所以一个人吃饭而且很爱一面看深夜节目一面在只剩下电视机灯光的屋子里, 坐在摇椅上织围巾的人.

但是后来, 我发现我大错特错.

我坐下来不久后, 老太太就立刻问我可不可以帮他看着东西, 他想去买coleslaw.
我立刻对这位女人产生很浓厚的兴趣.

在Texas Chicken遇到单独用餐的老人已经很稀奇了, 还要是为了一小杯coleslaw重新再去排队的老人.
有一种预感她是一位很特别的人.

外加她身穿black and white, 我不禁暗暗猜想我会不会遇见了以为退休律师或者是法官啊?
然后偷偷在心里笑自己很白痴.

不久, 她心开了花那样轻快地走回位子.
椅子还没有坐温, 就开始一连串问了我几个问题.

他的口音很特别, 是我最喜欢的British accent.
这样就更让我好奇我到底遇见了什么样的一个老人.

她看起来很慈祥, 尤其是大笑的时候.
很讨我喜欢.

最妙的是, 一个六十岁的老人双夹圆润, 笑起来没有皱纹!

她问起我是不是在附近上班, 我摇头说不是, 我还只是学生.
她兴起继续问在哪里读书, 读什么科系.

在KL最可爱的地方是, 华人与华人之间一开口就讲英文.
除非销售员有特别注明自己会讲华文, 不然整个transaction还是会以英文进行.

就像聊了几句之后, 老太太和我都心里明白对方会说华文, 但是我们依然继续以英文交谈.
或许她比较习惯用英文吧.

几个小时下来, 我发现我的英文真的很烂 =_________=
真的觉得很要命.
是时候好好锻炼speaking了.

但是也蛮惊讶自己不经大脑嘴巴就立刻飚出了"force down one's throat"这样奇怪的idioms.
我到底几时学的啊?

我特别欣赏Jane.
她是我目前为止遇到最酷的老人.
因为他的urban terms真的很updated.

尤其是她突然冒一句, bitch please, 我心里更加喜欢她了.

我们就这样坐在快餐店聊了几个小时.
Texas Chicken是一个很适合聊天的地方, 因为有free refill. LOL

她缓缓地聊起她的工作到家庭到我们爱看的书.
我很惊讶我竟然可以跟一个陌生人有那么多的共同点.

我平时只能跟婆婆聊上几句, 但这一位婆婆级的老女人懂的东西真多.

结果我猜对了, 她的确和法律有点关系.
她曾经是一位paralegal(就是律师的秘书), 然后也在private uni给过lecture.

她很骄傲地告诉我,"My son is a lawyer too! Corporate lawyer. He is working in Singapore."
"I am so proud of him, our brilliant boy. We sent him to UK. Lots of efforts was put in and the outcome is just marvelous."

我还是第一次遇见lawyer的妈妈.
如果我顺利毕业拿到lisence, 那妈咪就可以成为我第二个认识的lawyer的妈妈. 哈哈.

我们聊了好一会的legal issues.
第一次觉得家里有lawyer会是蛮爽的事, 因为现在没有人搞得懂我在讲什么.

接着她开始跟我说她家里的趣事.
比如说她一点都不希望儿子很快结婚.
因为她觉得有孙子是一件很麻烦的事.

套他的话, "Aiyoyo. I don't want grandchildren yet. I had been a mom myself and that's enough. I had worked so hard to raise my children and my second life is about to start I don't want to be a mom all over again."

我喜欢她的豪爽, 还有很爽朗的笑声.
我也很喜欢她对生活的看法.

他让我觉得, 如果我六十岁的时候, 也可以像她那样乐观直爽是一件美事.
她活了这么久, 还是很热爱生活.

她说, "Do you know what did I tell my husband when we were attending our youngest son's convo? I said, honey our second life is about to start and this time, we can sit back and relax."

这样的老人太可爱啊!
多希望我以后的mother in law可以是这样子的.
很好沟通.

还聊起她menopause的经历.
她说, "I get mad really easy that time, even a dust can trigger my anger. Then after the storm, I go to my sons and tell them, it's not me, it's my hormone."

她几乎跟我分享了她做妈妈的经过.
从结婚到养孩子, 到儿子都到外地做工她终于可以松一口气, 做自己爱做的事情.

她一直强调说儿子平时不回来没关系, 但是新年一定要回家, 因为那是传统.
某些传统是一直一直要保存的.

最棒的是, 她也和我一样, 觉得宗教不可以和tradition相提并论.
宗教是要从心出发的, 不是可以胡乱逼别人做的事.

我们也聊到了科技.
她说她最痛恨别人在聚会上一直在刷电话.
然后再聊到爱看书.

我.真.的.没.有.办.法.相.信.眼.前.的.老.太.太.是.p.o.t.t.e.r.h.e.a.d!!!!!
根本就遇到了知音.
快乐地聊了每一本书里的惊喜.
再一起无止境地赞叹j.k rowling这个天赐的礼物.

直到我问起jane是不是有事情要做,她说有, 我们才开心地道别.

生命里偶然遇见轻于鸿毛, 但是惺惺相惜的人真好.
因为相处时间不长, 道别一点都不难.
留下的记忆还如此美好.

我真的很庆幸, 选对了一张桌子.

本来阴沉的心情, 在与jane聊天后竟然阴消云散.
好像领悟了一些道理, 也从他那里感染了一些乐观.

听她的妈妈经后, 更想家了.

有缘再见, Jane.

2)
我从来没有如此希望自己有钱过.
直到我去了正在大肆为xmas做宣传的MPH.

平时放young adults fictions的地方, 换上了很多一套一套的书!

我仔细把每一套丛书翻过一遍.
太吸引人了!!!

可是再仔细看价钱就觉得很无奈.

买不起 :(

如果将来我真的有钱了, 我一定要开一间书店, 然后自己做老板的同时, 也做自己的customer.
自己开的店就可以任意拿书啊!
这样太爽了.

HP整套要RM 700也太过分了!
但是我真的很想要要要要要.

那只是普通版本, 我没有办法想象要收集完四个school的version要多少钱.

我还真的很想把cecelia ahern 还有shopoholic 整个系列买下来.
但是一本四十块, 要买到完最少也要几千块吧 TT

为什么书要这么贵啊?!

但愿有一天, 我真的可以有钱到买书不用看价钱 :D

2015年11月30日

3)
因为syariah evidence的presentation规定要穿tudung所以穿了.

看着镜子里的自己, 我发誓, 我死都不要进Islam.

Tudung is not my thing, 太滑稽了.

笑死.

4)
saw this on facebook.

I am not sure if I can be considered as "the loyal one".
and I am not sure if I have already finished dealing with my broken heart.

It's either completely healed or it just got too broken I can feel nothing already.

Somehow, deep inside I know that I am very unprepared to go into another relationship yet.
So perhaps the only way is to wait and to see if my wounded heart would get recovered again.

If it stay like this for the whole life, I am actually okay to maintain a single life.

The saying is kind of real.
While I was crying day and night, he has targeted someone even before we broke up and when I was suicidal, he has gotten himself ready to be someone else's boyfriend.

I feel stupid.
He makes me feel like an idiot.
He cheapen my love.

Looking back, I would rather spill all my love into the river than to love a man like him.

Only now I realise that it is not a bad thing that he left.
I just don't need another liar in life.

2015年12月3日

5)
GAY FRIEND IS IN TOWN AGAIN! :DDDDDDD

Too busy with assignments, I totally forgotten that he has told me before he's coming back on 2nd Dec.

When I walked passed foyer, and when I saw that bitchiness overloaded red spec out of the corner of my eyes, my hands got out of my brain's control, I practically ran to him and gave him a big big hug.
=___________=
And one does not simply hug another on in public uni.
I guess I have been too lonely since he left.

We spent the whole night at the foyer, chatting and watching [奇葩说]together.
What a night <3

Somehow, when he insisted to show me one of the debate title that he "thinks suit me real well", I got a little heart broken.
Because it was something to do with how to lock a man's heart.
And gay friend just forgot to shut his mouth when he blabbing on how the lovely girl actually tricked away ncy.
Then he kept reminding me to watch out those signs in the next relationship.

I thought committing in a relationship with extra caution and endless worries was bad.
What's the point of falling in love with someone when one's doesn't feel safe?

It takes two to tango.
It's very unfair to blame everything on the girl.

I thought I would be okay to talk about it, but apparently I was not because after 10 minutes of the show, I had to request gay friend to change it to another show.
My heart could not take it in anymore, especially when gay friend kept relating everything to my case.

It got better after we watched another show.
Funny show that did not involve mind stretching (Y)
I love that.

6)
Skipped class to go lunch with gay friend.
Should have amended the [少女时代] quote to: 大学没有翘课出去玩, 做工后你才会后悔吧!

Gay friend was so moved that I skipped class for him.
Then I told him it's because the lecture is boring and useless, and ask him stop hallucinating.
He immediately hated me.
HAHAHA.

We only managed to have lunch together because he was rushing for the 4pm bus to go home.
I got really envied.
I wanna go home too.

Lunch at ZANMAI.
or whatsoever the spelling.

Had really really really nice chasoba.
GOD, I would not mind to eat that everyday!

Talked as much as we can.
Was that a talk?
It was more than a satisfying gossip I would say haha.

Sent him to the KTM Station, hugged him goodbye and continued my solo journey.
Then start wondering why I have never hug yf when I send him goodbye?

OWHHHHHHHH because he is cheapskate that thinks I am trying to molest him by hugging.
CHEAPSKATE.

Can't wait to see you next week already!<3 <3 <3

2015年12月4日

7)
Dreamed about cy AGAIN.
I woke up in a miserable mood.
And I did not remember what happened in that dream.

Dear God, would you just make this stop?
I am all hell fine during day time and why I still get tortured at night?

It must be because of gay friend's nagging about the girl's trick all day and night.
ARGHHH.
I am so gonna buy a duct tape and tape his mouth the next time I see him.


Honestly, if you have to trick somebody to be in love with you, that love just not gonna last long.
OWHHHHHHH.
Worse, if you intruded others, God will not bless you in your love journey, for sure.

Let's see who will be standing to the end. :)

And yes, mean is my word.

2015年12月5号

8)
SAW CHIN IS IN THE TOWN!

I planned to bring her to the famous famous satay kajang for dinner but my plan did not work out all the time.

Sigh.

We ended up having nasi kandar as supper instead. HAHA.
But I was so happy to see her! :)

I went to Midvalley in the afternoon to get myself something.
Then I went for lunch (Yes, ZANMAIIIIIII :P) and book store.

Saw Chin was so poor, she practically waited for the sole bus to get to TBS from 3pm.
Guess what time she reached TBS?
Around 8.30pm.

As I was wondering at the Midvalley while waiting for her, my cousin actually called me up to tell me that they were in town because Xiao Boy was suppose to join a competition the next day.
And And And they did not know how to get themselves food.

SO, I volunteered myself to meet them up and I bought them some bread as snacks when I was on my way.

To make the story short, I met them at their hotel which was 3 minutes away from NU Sentral.
Then I got myself too indulged in the family moment, I decided to stay with them for a night.
WHICH MEANS I was that fail host that made my guest sleep with a bunch of strangers to him in a really small room.
We slept on the floor!

Yea, in a hotel for 2, we actually make it a room for 6.
You will not want to know how packed was the room. haha.

Please tell me you have met worse host than I to make me feel better. 

Sorry Saw Chin!

But it was really fun night because I get to spend some time with my family without having to go home!
Then I got to makan makan with saw chin, and learned her present life stories.

And, I will definitely be a better host next time, kay!

2015年12月6号

9)
The next day, 四姑insisted to have chinese food for breakfast.
Once again, I nosily volunteered myself to bring 四姑 to Pudu Raya.

Then, we got down at the Pudu station.
After a long walk only I realised that we have gotten down at the wrong station.
I felt so guilty to make them walked for such a long distance.

While in the room, I promised them all kind of delicious chinese food awaiting then after susah payah  (四姑has height phobia some more) I actually brought them to the 半山芭 which I had no idea where was it actually.

Luckily we managed to find a morning pasar, out of no way we actually bought ourselves some dim sum and wantan mee.
That hawker must had felt very happy because he got to sell lots of wantan mee at once.

I felt glad that no one actually blamed me.

Again, I will be a better leader next time kay ._.

10)
Had Zanmai for lunch again. HAHA.

3 times in a row in a week!
I think I am qualified to be Zanmai's VIP already.

Had spicy ramen while Saw Chin had rice.
Very satisfying and I am definitely go to the Penang branch next time because Saw Chin actually thought that Penang's Zanmai was so much better!

We spent some time running through a few shops but bought nothing.
It's proven that women did not buy anything that fall into their eyes okay!

Then we took a selfie with the mala fide intention to make chin siang yee envy! hahahaha.

Sent her off around 4pm and the moment she walked way, emptiness filled up my heart T.T
See you again Saw Chin!!!

________________________________________________

Crazy thought:

这么久后, 我第一次踏入SR.

因为一个人的关系, 被安排到了最角落的位子.
这么刚好, 就面对着一片落地窗.
外头下着大雨, 我望着雨滴落下, 觉得特别平静舒服.

那时候我们什么都不懂.
连要怎样点蛋糕都不懂.
但是, 正是什么都不懂, 我们都很快乐.

每一次去到SR都希望可以坐在靠近落地窗的那一张橙色沙发.
偶尔一去到, 发现已经被做掉了, 我们还会故意等到他们走掉, 再进去.

SR本身对我们有些纪念价值, 因为第一个情人节就是在哪里过的.

如果我再谈一次恋爱, 对方斗胆没花送上门, 只带我去SR他死定了!
不想再被当着笨蛋耍了, 我帮他省结果钱都大方花在别人身上. 哼.

后来, 我一直说SR很贵, 很浪费钱, 我们都以为还有一辈子可以等有钱, 不去了.
再后来, 我们看的东西开始多了, 开始广了, 我们开始嫌弃SR.
最后, SR变成了生灰尘的回忆.

不知道你还记不记得有一次我们握着对方的手, 也不知道在聊些什么, waitress站在旁边我们都完全没有察觉, 直到她很尴尬地轻轻推了推我们的手, 宣誓她的存在?
我想, 你忘了.
因为在我依然缅怀过去的同时, 你已经在努力制作新回忆了吧.

再次踏上SR, 闪过的第一个回忆竟然是我们有一张SR全部蛋糕的flyer.
每次我们尝试一个新口味, 就会在flyer上打钩, 偶尔还会写下我们的看法.

吃得最多的应该是durian durian.
你总说你很专情, 因为点来点去都只吃一种蛋糕.
有时候你会很严肃地告诉我你一辈子只爱我一个.
偶尔你会开玩笑说, 我常常换口味, 怕有天你会被换掉.

后来我发现, 只点一种蛋糕并不能代表你只爱一个女人.
常常换口味也不表示我会轻易换掉伴侣.

flyer上划掉的蛋糕不少, 我曾经很天真的相信, 或许恋爱时我们尝不完, 结婚后还是可以一直延续这个我们之间的小传统.

我是很认真以为自己会嫁给你的.
或许是因为我第一次这么爱一个人.
也或许我真的只是蠢得可以.

这一次, 我又拿了一张新的传单.
是时候把旧的丢掉了.

这一次, 我依然会打勾勾.
但是, 这一次, 只有我自己了.

翻着menu, 发现蛋糕都起价了.
而且一涨就是几块钱.

RM 8.10的蛋糕没有了.
你以前总说, 全部蛋糕都是我的, 因为价钱是我的生日.

或许, 连SR都想告诉我, 你真的走了.

我点了the red velvet cake.
因为那是你我都没有尝过的口味.

I need a fresh start.

吃着吃着, 我觉得有点腻.
又突然想起以前我们都是两个人点一份蛋糕.

现在我终于得以独吞了.
却发现有些东西就是要抢着吃才好吃.

犯贱.

我想, 总有一天, 我会再次去到SR, 然后不再想起你.