Hey, I miss you.
And I don't know why.
I was doing thesis then I miss your voice.
I think it was because you usually call me before 11 and yeap, the clock stroke 12 not long ago.
I watched every single video of us and I smiled like an idiot.
We were happy.
It was the 57th date.
You were washing plates while I, standing beside you.
We talked, we laughed.
And I paid you a kiss for you did chores for me.
I thought that would last forever.
I will make you dishes every night, and you will have to pay me by hugging me from my back, talk to me when I am cooking.
I will hug you back after dinner, accompanying you when you are washing plates.
But, it stopped.
We broke up.
No more date.
Dream shattered into a million pieces.
We are not going back together.
It has been a few months.
And you are happy so I think it's impossible to get back together.
I am not happy, but I will try to be happy.
After all, I can't look on you to live a happy life.
I have to try it myself.
I have to explore everything alone, now and then.
No more dear dear since 20th May 2014.
No more Huang Jun Yuan to lean on.
I felt weird when I heard myself calling you dear in videos.
Once it was the most natural word to spell on you.
Am I getting used to a new life without you?
I'm uncertain about that.
Even if Tsunami is coming, I'll have to stand still and face it by myself, all alone.
I am not running away. No point.
My legs are too short to run faster than disaster.
Breaking up did teach me a lesson:
Sometimes, it's fate. You just can't run away. You'll have to face it no matter what.
And sometimes, you'll have to do it yourself, no one can help out.
You hate me for me using all kind of weird idioms and phrases.
You prefer Chinese or mandarin.
That's in your blood, you are a typical chinese.
You stopped me from wearing wide collar, you don't want others stare at my little cleavage and in the end, you left.
I wore deep V clothe on the first day being single after 2 and a half year.
I wondered around, guys stared at me but I wasn't happy at all.
I rather wear turtle neck shirt for the rest of my life, in term to trade you back.
Once, I prayed so hard.
I prayed to Satan, I would trade in my soul to get you back.
I was too stubborn and silly back then.
A few months later, I don't ask for death anymore.
Satan didn't take away my soul, or maybe he did?
I don't know.
Dear friend, can you feel my soul?
Cause I don't feel it anymore.
I keep breathing, till today.
I am not sure if I should feel thankful for that.
I got really fat.
It's more terrified to look into mirror than watching annabelle alone.
I start to hate myself.
Pig should not live among humans.
They should be killed and be eaten.
In case you had forgotten how I used to look like
here
I gained 10kg in fucking 3 months.
YES, I am very much willing to let anyone to stab me on my stomach so that fat in my body can flow out like a waterfall.
I am undergoing hormone imbalance.
It feels like having period pain everyday.
One second you are laughing then the next you feel like crying.
I get annoyed easily and I feel the urge of killing everyone like every second.
I feel depressed sometimes and I imagine ways to die.
I want to swallow a thousand pills and kill myself.
I could not bear looking myself being so fat.
Exercise is useless no matter how hard I try.
Another reason to kill myself.
I had spent so much time on it still keep gaining weight?
GUESS WHAT, I should bang my head against wall until I die from bleeding.
I can't see my clavicle anymore.
I can't feel my pelvis anymore.
My tummy isn't flat when I am lying.
My legs shaken like earthquake when I walk.
My hands are so fat people would thought I lend them from elephant.
I am upset.
VERY.
Is it because I had been thinner before?
like MUCH MUCH thinner?
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO THROW AWAY YOUR M SIZE SHIRT AND BUY XXL'S.
NO. shut up.
you dont understand.
You did not fall down ten times a month.
You did not rest at the middle of staircases walking back to your own room.
You did not see how people react when they see you: WHY YOU BECOME SO BIG?!
You did not gasp for breath when you walk.
People asked me a few question which sadden me more.
: Why you look so cumbersome?
: OMG. You fell down again. I can't accept the new you!
: Diet please, you pig!
: You should have a look at the before her. She used to be really thin. HOR?
: What happened to you?!
: GOD. You are so clumsy. SLIM DOWN. or else you will not get to marry.
: Why do you wear the same clothes over and over again?
Oh God, let me give you my life.
Hello, you.
Hello, typical Chinese you.
我们的爱在一个月里变质了.
我们最后一张合照.
我从来没有想过, 这会是最后一次这么亲密地和你躺在一起.
我还以为我们会一步一步走过去, 然后坚定地牵手一辈子.
你还记得离别的时候, 你眼眶发红, 一直努力忍住泪水.
不是我哭就是你哭.
所以你哭得时候我就要坚强, 抱着你给你说安慰话.
我说, 我们再分开几次就可以永远在一起不分开了.
你紧紧抱着我, 拼命点头.
我心疼死了.
一直到你的车驶得远远地, 我才敢流泪.
我实在无法相信一个月前还哭倒在我肩上我男孩在一个月后突然不爱我了.
他说没感觉了.
我们在一起两年了, 感觉一直很浓烈.
但是在一个月里, 突然就变淡了, 变没了.
我实在不能理解.
或许真的是我的脑袋不灵光, 所以才奋不顾身地爱你吧.
你的数学总是比我好, 所以算好了, 才不会受伤.
你知道吗, 其实道理是这样的.
我因为一个不爱我的人离开了哭很傻, 但是我会慢慢好起来的.
你因为一个很爱你的人离开了笑很傻, 总有一天你会后悔的.
或许你不会后悔吧.
世界上好的女孩很多很多.
这么说好了.
在分手几个月内, 你的情绪变化比我的还大.
一开始我很痛, 我一直在哭.
吃不好, 睡不好, 变胖.
一开始你很害怕, 害怕我真的死去.
你吃不好, 睡不好, 却把身体锻炼地很漂亮.
我一直打电话给你, 因为我无法适应没有你的日子.
你一直逃避我, 到最后把我完全删除了.
我找不到你.
一开始很慌张, 但是慢慢家人朋友成功开解我了.
虽然不快乐, 但死不了.
你乐于让我找不着.
虽然会担心我真的死掉, 但是在远处快乐地活着.
我是应该恨你的.
因为你失去了好多.
因为你人生跌倒了谷底.
但是我犯贱.
任你怎么对我还是爱你.
后来, 你回来了.
换一个姿势.
你说, 你比较喜欢和我做朋友.
我不想做朋友, 但是害怕失去你所以答应了.
我恨你, 但是我说服不了自己不爱你.
偶尔, 你会捎来信件关心我.
虽然没有以前这么动心了, 但是读着你关心的话语总觉得心里舒服了些.
很恨自己常常忘记讨厌曾经让我去死的你.
有时候很疑惑, 不知道自己到底想怎样.
明知道和你不能在一起了, 我也不稀罕和你做朋友了.
为什么还忍不住和你联络?
我很看不起现在的自己.
你亲手把刀送进我心里.
还狠狠地转了一圈, 让我更痛苦.
好啦,好不容易我把刀拔出来的.
你才回来说: 我来帮你一把吧?
我真的很想说: 人都已经死了, 刀都已经拔出来了. 你回来会不会迟了一点?
你能帮我什么呢?
刀疤隐隐作痛的时候帮忙敷药?
一看见你只记得你砍我时冷血的表情.
我总不会想凶手跪地道谢吧?
我爱你, 但我也恨你.
就是如果我们两个被困在荒岛, 我会拿石头直插你的心脏, 然后跟你说对不起.
之后我会让你把石头拔出来, 然后再过去帮忙你.
我给你敷再多药, 你胸口上始终有一个洞.
再多的草药也补不回.
我会告诉我我多爱你, 然后把你的肉一片一片切下来.
在你生不如死的时候告诉你, 我说也不想的.
但是我们回不到从前了.
你死之后我会把你埋了, 做一个富丽堂皇的坟墓.
每一天跟你说对不起, 说我很内疚, 说我不想的.
这样有用吗?
你就是那样对我的.
你现在明白了吗?
不要说为我好, 你不过开始内疚了.
只是, 有点太迟了.
我死掉很久了.
在荒岛上, 再好的坟墓也不过是一个多余的摆设.
荒岛上的风景漂亮地容不下一个多余的坟墓.
我的心一辈子都有一个大洞.
任你如何努力都无法弥补.
这一辈子, 你欠我了, 佛教徒.
我没有宗教, 但是我知道出来混总要还.
Dear God,
What about I trade you my love for my other half and you return me my thinner body size?
I will be single forever and I will do it since break up is too miserable and painful to me :)
Yea, I love my body more than my other half.
My body will not leave but a him?
He will leave the second he finds better girl.
FUCK GUY.
I AM MARRYING MYSELF :3
