1)
Was nibbling on mocha swiss roll when I suddenly recall the best cake I had by far was a bag of really hideous and plain butter cakes (baked with love!) which were secretly stuffed into my school bag during recess without me knowing.
And I ended up smashing my ass real hard on them when I accidentally sat on my own school bag.

But still, those buttery cake tasted so good the moment I popped one into my mouth, my tongue literally went to heaven!

With that, I had to kiss goodbye every other ordinary factory-made marble cake.
Apparently home made butter cake (with love! Okay I know how annoying it is to stress on this love thing so much. I did that on purpose. hahaha.) is something one can totally die for!

DAMN IT. Guys would catch a grenade for you when they were trying to court you but after he got you, he just stop doing anything.

If someone ever come after me again, I will make sure he doesn't get me in a hundred years.
For sure not before my tongue had had enough of those lovely-dovey butter cake!

Leave me cakes again, will you?
I just want unlimited supply of cakes, I am totally fine if you don't want to be my boyfriend.

*Considering to invest in a bakery when I have enough money. Partner doesn't have to pay for pastries! :P*

2)
One of my best friends was celebrating the 5th anniversary with her boyfriend today.
When I saw her post on Facebook, the first thought I had was:

WOW! FIVE YEARS ALREADY! Five years sound like forever!

If I were to be with someone forever, I kind of hope he is a guy like Timothy Tiah.
In case you have never heard of this guy, google his name!
Hilarious guy he is and I admire his humor a lot.

but

HE IS MARRIED HAPPILY WITH FOURFEETNINE AND IS A FATHER OF TWO ALREADY.

*GRUMBLE* WHY ALL NICE GUY GOT MARRIED ALREADYYYYYYYYY

*FLIP TABLE!*

I just can't help myself from admiring him, especially with his caring family guy personality.
TOO LOVELY TO HANDLE!

Then, recently (Like yesterday? because I accidentally clicked into one of his video recommended by Youtube and straight away get addicted. Forgot about Timothy completely. Call me a fickle bitch! :P) I am kind of attached to an Ang Mo named Joe Santagano.
Or whatever his name is.
I am really really bad in remembering name.

He makes some random hysterical videos on Youtube.
He can be really cocky and pompous sometimes, but I love his unique way of thinking.
His logic is hilarious and I love himmmmmmmmmm.
Not a good reason of falling for someone though.
But who cares.
I am a die hard fan already!

I google-d bout him and find that he is the same age as me.
WOW. Rarely I find guy my age this attractive and mature.
That makes me love him more <3 <3 <3

BAD NEWS:

HE IS TOO NOT AVAILABLE. HE'S WITH SOME SERIOUS BURNING HOT CHICK.

WTF. WTF. WTF.

OKAY!
I get it.
I am meant to be single and for the rest of my life, I will drown myself repeatedly in my saliva drooling over those internet guys that I will never get to know (let alone to date!!!).

Takpa, aku pasrah dan serah kepada takdir.

Back to the story. (Yes, always deviate from my story. SORRY!)

To: Bestie

HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY YO!
Definitely more to come! :D

Make sure you invite me as your bridesmaid because....

You will definitely look a hundred times prettier with me standing beside you. That's the best wedding gift I can offer! HAHAHA :P

3)
My knees are currently black and blue and slightly swollen on.
I blame it on my obesity =_________=

How it happened was the most stupid thing ever.

This morning marked the third Saturday I coerced myself to wake up at 7.00 in the morning to go for a jog.
Very challenging because I am truly gifted in sleeping, I can sleep for more than 12 hours in a row!

However, I still managed to pull my sleepy self all together, and then without hesitance forced my legs to walk to bathroom.
Done brushing with eyes half closed, I zombie-d back to my room.
Then off I went to stadium.

Friend suggested we go for some stretching first before we started to jog.
There I made the worst decision of life: I AGREED.

She was trained by her friend for quite some time already, plus she was fit.
Me on the other hand, untrained and obese.

People says,

Don't bite off more than what you can't chew.

DAMN IT.
Apparently I overestimated my stamina.

Everything was fine until we started to do knee push-ups.



















It looked so easy-peasy in the picture but for God's sake, THE STRUGGLE WAS FOR REAL!

GOD DAMN IT! WHO THE HELL SO BIAN TAI INVENTED THIS?!

Imagine this.

• First, begin by bending over at the knees and waist, on the floor on your knees supported by your hands in front of you.
• With your hands about shoulder width apart, back flat and head looking forward. Slowly lower yourself back bending at the elbows to where you chest touches, or barely touches, the ground.

• Pause for a few seconds, then push back up in a slow and controlled fashion. 

No, the instructions did no justice to describe how hard it actually was.

I almost died from head explosion while trying to do that freaking push up.
Something was wrong with my hands, they didn't know how to bend!

I was trying so hard I basically held my breath for seconds that felt like hours long, and I had to drain all strength I had I guessed I burst one or two of my blood vessel.
Or three.
Or four.
Or a hundred!
Because when I finally did the first "push down", I heard some random crack sounds.
I thought I broke my skull out of the pressure. LOL.

While I was learning (to coordinate my brain and elbows LOL), my friend decided normal teaching didn't work.
SO, INSTEAD OF TEACHING ME PATIENTLY, SHE CHOSE TO YELL LIKE SOME STUPID SERGEANTS.
And mind you, we were doing that kind of shit, early in the morning, at a freaking public stadium.
FUCK MY LIFE.

GOD, FROM WHERE THIS EVIL COMES FROM?!

Words were never sufficient to describe how embarrassed I was at that very moment.

What could be worse than doing a knee push-up?

Doing it at a public stadium and getting shouted by your friend like you are the most idiotic soldier who deserves a few kicks in your face.

I have learned a few lessons today.
1) A bitch remains a bitch forever. Bitchy and bitchier. No middle.

2) If you befriended a bitch, it clearly says something about you: Birds of a feather flock together.

3) The cruel way of teaching is always more effective than the education with love. Now I know why teachers cannot survive without a cane already.

4) Thank God when she insulted me at the stadium, I was facing the opposite side of the track. No one knew me anyway. But people would always remember her face as the bitchy one. HAHA.

5) My knees demanded rest time for a few days because when I tried to do another push up just now, they screamed out their lungs (THEY HAVE LUNGS! :P) I surrendered.

妈的, 我只是想瘦一点而已.
要这样难吗.

我下一辈子只想安安稳稳当一只越肥越好的猪!

4)
Saw a guy friend changed his profile picture with a caption "MY GIRL" followed by a girl's name.
I couldn't help but to roll my eyes so hard I thought they reached the very end of my eye socket.

MY GIRL?

You mean

ONE OF MY GIRLS?

Or

THE-LATEST-BUT-NOT-THE-LAST-FOR-SURE GIRL?

I roughly (Who am I kidding?! I mean "THOROUGHLY") went through the reactions analysis he had gotten, I saw many ":O" from our old friends.
I sneered in disdain.

Yes, by clicking WOW we meant:

Another victim? We are not surprised though. Can't wait to see another profile picture by next month.

I had no idea why I got so pissed by this announcement.
I was not even close to him!

Shit. My mental condition was indeed a huge cloud of mess.

Then I blew cold air to my thumb.
Don't mind me. Just trying real hard to apply what I learned from Buzzfeed today bout the body hacks.
Some crazy scientists proved that anxiety could be reduced by blowing cold air to your thumb. #funfacts

Calmed myself and felt really bad.
Who am I to judge a person by his relationships?

DAMN IT.
I am not only mean, but a very nosy bitch!

Advice to self:

Stop give anyone any fuck and mind only your own business!

Owh well I am now a bitch who do self-talking too.

Something is really wrong here.

5)
It is said that there are always two types of person in the world, i.e. the givers and the takers.

I love how the saying goes,

The takers may eat better; but the givers sleep better.

Sometimes I am a taker, and sometimes I am a giver.
That makes me good at both eating and sleeping.
Well, that explains my size :P

A friend asked, if we were in the same uni, would we still be this close.

I nodded while typing, without hesitance.
I was curious why he asked so.

Then only found out that he had quarrel with uni friends, AGAIN.
Beh sien one, always argue =___________=
Got so many free time go do some charity lah stupid.

But of course I did not rub salt into his opened wound. (I poured alcohol instead :P)

And so, our conversation turned out to be this:


















A big applause for my effort please!
I some more so kut lat go censore his name haha.

I am not sure if I am saying the right thing because I seriously suck at comforting sad person ._.
And that dick never bother to reply me after that.
Probably too moved go cry somewhere already. haha.

As you can see, we actually use that batang of hidung as a very much erected middle finger.
We both simultaneously think that it really look like one! LOL.
So we replace this batang of hidung as our default "LIKE".

Somehow, the conversation led me ponder if I was playing the giver in this friendship. 

Almost immediately after that thought, I got struck by the guiltiness of me being a very shameless taker, always selfishly indulging myself in family love, without being able to shower them with the same amount of love. 

Love is never fair but you can at least try and make it a little equal.

 And, I am trying.

It takes two to tango.  I know how tiring it can be to maintain a relationship on sole effort. Good luck, darling.

6)
Is it just me or does everyone else prefer to see true colours of an idol?
I mean, I would rather see the person I like to get really frustrated that he snaps on someone than he smiles sheepishly and greets everyone in the air port politely (read: hypocritically). 

It's unlike I don't appreciate my idol being kind, caring, lovely and all but I would go all the way to see him throws tantrum like a normal person.

I have a thing for bad-tempered guy. I THINK. *Runs away*